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Let's Hope For The Best

by Save The Swim Team

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1.
She wrote her name with a hand that was more like a mechanical arm. She signed away everything she had. Everything she wanted was gone. She’ll have a new life before this is done. She’s broken all of her nails digging this hole for herself and with dirt still in her eyes, so old and frail, she points a finger at us and says, “You’re all blind and you’re going to Hell.” She’s deep in the ground, but not asleep in the ground. She’s got a cough from fluid lungs, but not a drop in her soul. A one-way ticket, she says she’s got. She’s got a one-way ticket. She says He’ll part all the clouds, pull all the raindrops from the ground and on their way back home, her soul will follow the trail. And there she’ll have everything she ever wanted. And there she’ll have everything that she was promised. I met a man with all ten fingers around picket signs. Couldn’t make a fist if his life depended on it, still he raised his flag and took a stab at everyone he thought was fag. With Jesus hanging from his neck—a man he never even met—he thought his business to go crashing funerals and claim he’s acting on his God’s wishes when he tells you where your soul should go. I count the days till nothing’s left and still I cannot say I’ve met answers to the questions resident inside my head. “One day they’ll meet,” they tell me, “Oh just you wait and you will see With earthworms gnawing on your brain—open a bottle of champagne. They’ll smile wide and there will be handshakes all around. They’ll say things like, ‘you were lost for all my life but now you’re found.’” If this is how it’s gonna have to be, I’d rather get up off my knees and start living. I’m sorry but I can’t help it that I can’t help but see through it. Fake it. Maybe you can fool yourself into thinking that there’s something else. Oh, when you die—end your life—we’ll both watch your soul take flight. With all respect that you deserve, I hope this plan of yours, it works. You’ll fake it like it is your last day to live. You’ll say things like, “Welcome me God, I’ve got my soul to give!”
2.
Brace yourself for the lack of action. Apathy kills our revolutions. Determined to find our conviction. Somewhere in the mass hysteria may be a glass that’s still half full. We lost our hope. Like a book of matches, strike another flame with the hope it guides us through the dark before we’re all burnt out. How many more can be fed to the war that we use to further spread our version of the truth. We’re expendable. Dissent mixes with discontent and still we sing, “Glory to elected kings.” Can we knock with gunshots at the door? Placed ourselves on pedestals that seem to keep us out of reach. You lost your son cause a book gave credence to a set of rules that if followed, promised him a special place within God’s grace. You trade this life for the assurance that after you die, it’ll all be worth it. Throw away the youth to keep the blaze burning.
3.
Black Friday 03:09
Suit up,they’re turning black, we’re burning so many problems away. We’re building better bombs, we’re building better bombs. We’ll catch the fever that will turn us into machines. There’s no tomorrow for, for you and me. This is so detrimental to my understanding. I’ve got flowers growing in my face, but black sex and bullet metal on my tv screen. Can you tell me what that is that you’re wearing? It’s so intoxicating, smells like mustard gas and roses. Can’t you hear them when they’re calling? Sounds like clawing on the back of your skull, they’re singing, “We’re all silent like a thousand corpses. Just you try to keep us off of your mind” Here’s a brave new little soldier we’ve found. Congratulations! We’ll turn him in to a cynic just like how we did the same to you. We’ll build up our crosses bigger until we’re blessing everything we touch. Turn it all into dust. Can you pass another glass on this way? It’s so hard to feel lonely when we’re toasting to another day, another day of everything just going as exactly as planned, they’re still singing, “We’re all silent like a thousand corpses. Just you try to keep us off of your mind” Go ahead, until everyone is dead. We’re all silent like a thousand corpses. We’re all violent like a silver screen.
4.
I take it back. You see, I’m not myself and the promises I made, well they were all in mother fucking vain. When I said to never fall in love, I meant to warn myself and it’s important still to keep a steady stream of bullshit sent her way, but I’m happiest when I’m in pain. But still I’ll drink enough, get the buzz and sing my songs, sing so you can clearly hear that I hurt. Despite what may come, I start to feel like I’ve failed the first test of my life. Prove that I’ve still got a good chance to survive. But still I second-guess everything I’ve ever done, making this all widely known that I know nothing at all but to run and hide when I see times that are tougher ahead. Try teaching me self-esteem. Recall when you said, “I think you’re falling, oh, I think you’re falling apart. I think you’re blaming yourself, you’re way too hard on yourself. On second thought, I think you love it. It’s not that hard to find a reason to live.” It hurts my back, you know, to shoulder the weight of this crippling self-hate and try to fight this insecurity. When she tells you there was someone else, I hope she thinks of me and wishes she had not made the mistake of sending me away, but I’m happiest when I’m in pain
5.
Go ahead, cut lines on his face. He won’t bleed, you won’t bleed and if the glass catches light at the right time maybe, you’ll see just what I mean when I close my eyes, sigh and say you’ve changed. You’ll beg to differ, you’ll beg to regain control and still you’ll tell me that you didn’t know—still don’t know—never knew where this got out of hand. I was young, listening to the EKG machine and with tears in her eyes, she stood still next to a bed of all white, patiently waiting for him to die. But not for my sins that night. He begged at first for—asked for his arms and his legs. Eight years and nothing had changed except the time and the place. But you’ll beg to differ and you’ll scream cause you’ve lost control and still you’ll tell me that you didn’t know—still don’t know—never knew where this got out of hand. I’ve got a cigarette burn in the shape of neglect. So tell me nothing is left, tell me the time of this has passed. I’m throwing overboard everything that you’ve told me. I’m counting every word and adding up the “sorry’s.” Take back the time it takes to take the slap back from my face and help me understand why. “Let’s hope for the best.” She says, “I love you, but I’m not sure that that’s enough. Let’s hope for the best.” She says, “I love you.” He cried at first sight, tell me now how far were you? Let’s play when they break the news, hearts break at a pace of their own. This is a race and you’re losing.

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released August 1, 2010

Save The Swim Team

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Save The Swim Team Huntington Beach, California

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