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I Think I'm Falling Apart

from How Far We Haven't Come by Save The Swim Team

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I take it back. You see, I’m not myself and the promises I made, well they were all in mother fucking vain. When I said to never fall in love, I meant to warn myself and it’s important still to keep a steady stream of bullshit sent her way, but I’m happiest when I’m in pain. But still I’ll drink enough to get drunk and sing my songs, sing so you can clearly hear that I hurt. Despite what may come, I start to feel like I’ve failed the first test of my life. Prove that I’ve still got a good chance to survive. But still I second-guess everything I’ve ever done, making this all widely known that I know nothing at all but to run and hide when I see times that are tougher ahead. Try teaching me self-esteem. Recall when you said, “I think you’re falling, oh, I think you’re falling apart. I think you’re blaming yourself. You hate this part. On second thought, I think you love it. It’s not that hard to find a reason to live.” It hurts my back, you know, to shoulder the weight of this crippling self-hate and try to fight this insecurity. When she tells you there was someone else, I hope she thinks of me and wishes she had not made the mistake of sending me away, but I’m happiest when I’m in pain. But I’ve got my whole life still behind me.

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from How Far We Haven't Come, released September 20, 2011

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Save The Swim Team Huntington Beach, California

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