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I'm Burnt Out (And Doug's No Good)

from How Far We Haven't Come by Save The Swim Team

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If this is all more than a ripple in the pond, I can’t tell for sure, what have I learned. If death’s head is a stagnant heart, then what the hell am I headed there for? I know I’ve said it, but do I really understand? I can’t live this way, wasting every day. If all life is a sum of it’s parts, then what the hell have I accomplished so far? I know I’ve only got myself to blame, and it shows by the way you say my name. It’s like I’m filling in holes with the dirt you keep accusing me of telling it, not how it is, but how it’s never good enough and saying, “I’m sick of always needing to look the other way." But today, I’ll write a new ending to the script I’ve been working on. This time I say the right things to make you stay. I’ve made some changes but I’ve got a ways to go. I’ve started thinking about packing myself up and leaving to a place where the sun doesn’t rise, a place where I have the strength in me to meet your eyes. And I know I won’t be happy until I do something worth mentioning. I know I’ve already had my second chance, in fact I know I’ve had a lot of them. It’s like I can’t get enough of how things seem to go your way. And isn’t it just picture perfect how it stings and stings for days? I only hope you have the decency to look the other way . But today, I’ll write a new ending. I’ll mean it when I say I know what’s best for me and I swear I won’t fucking care if you leave or stay. I’ll get my turn—two tickets to the scene before you. Break something quick—God I love to be reprimanded. I’ve got a record to keep, keep score to the rhythm of your feet just walking, just walking. I’m 0 for 10, I’m over you. I’ve got thick skin, I’ll take the beating again. Turn the other cheek, learn to go back to sleep. But today, I’ll write a new ending. I’ll lie down and close my eyes and go back to sleep, where I can make things make sense. I’m still ashamed to admit that I’ve wasted so much of my life thinking that without you, I would die.

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from How Far We Haven't Come, released September 20, 2011

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Save The Swim Team Huntington Beach, California

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