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Do you miss how much you were in love when the days went by like white smoke through cracks in locked doors? Or do you recognize that it can’t get any better and that the good days and bad habits have blistered on lips and healed over? But is it ever really over? I know you’re new, but I can’t seem to forgive you. You taught me everything I know about how little you know. Greedy hands, they were always factored in. I’ve been a drug. I’ve been everything but a reason for you to open your eyes and face each day. “The day is gonna come,” I told you over and over, the day is gonna come when I won’t see you sober enough to recognize my mom. Desperate times. God knows I’ve seen your desperate measures. Dollar signs. We’ll eat like royalty tonight because tomorrow we’ll both go to hell. We’ll both go to hell. Was almost preferable to that house. You made sure every day that I was always afraid. I know you’re sorry. I know. I’m sorry, too. You taught me everything I know about being scared to come home. Looking like hell at age twelve, hating how much you’re hating yourself.

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from How Far We Haven't Come, released September 20, 2011

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Save The Swim Team Huntington Beach, California

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