I take it back. You see, I’m not myself and the promises I made, well they were all — I made them all in vain. When I said to never fall in love, I meant to warn myself that it’s important still to keep a steady stream of bullshit in my way, because I’m happiest when I’m in pain. But still I’ll drink enough to get drunk and sing my songs, sing so you can clearly hear that I hurt. Despite what may come, I start… But still I second guess everything I’ve ever done, making this all widely known that I know nothing at all but to run and hide. I think I’m falling, oh, I think I’m falling apart. I think I’m blaming myself. It’s just so hard to keep on going. It’s not what imagined. It’s still so hard. Being so far away. It hurts my back, you know, to shoulder the weight of this crippling self-hate and try to fight this insecurity. When she says there was someone else, I hope she thinks of me and wishes she had not made the mistake of sending me away, but I’m happiest when I’m in pain. But I’ve got my whole life still behind me.
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